The Worst Dog I Ever Owned

Pooky the Beagle was quite possibly the worst dog a guy could have. 14 is old for any dog; it’s ancient for a beagle. It was an eternity with Pooky in particular.

Don’t get me wrong. She had her good points. She was cuter and so much softer than she deserved to be. She was hilarious to watch as she tried to catch a tennis ball in her just slightly too small jaws. 

I never once had to invest in a white noise machine to help me sleep. Pooky would saw logs nightly. Her snoring kept my wife up every night. But I slept like a baby, and so did Pooky.

No litter box was safe. Pooky’s parents must have been Special Forces dogs. She managed to get under, over, or around any barrier between her and her goal. Then much lip smacking ensued. And when she was digging into cat poop or a trash can, she was as deaf as could be, based on how she never seemed to hear our protests. Yet somehow she could also hear a food wrapper being opened from a half mile away.

I never met a dog before that actually practiced sarcasm. Real sarcasm. She harrumphed and huffed more than any Sunday school teacher I ever met. Especially if she wanted your food and you were taking too long to share.

She even pooped on an iPad once. Right on it. It was beautiful and impressive. So was she.

Hands down, the best worst dog I ever had. And she will be missed by all of us. So dearly.